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50 shades of gravy

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I wasn’t always the wild man of recipes. In my formative years I worked as a gravy tester at a granule factory in Birmingham.  I was assigned to wander round with a bib and a dulux colour chart, amidst a brightly lit room full of gravy boats. I had a saucy encounter every morning, approximately 50 of them. By the time it was afternoon I would hungrily pursue fantasies of escape.


My boss was a highly successful entrepreneur who had made her fortune hedging oxtail, wore a fedora to work, and had funny ideas about gravy testing.  I was obliged to sign a non disclosure agreement (which I found to be a little shady), and some ‘other paperwork’ was discussed.



Quite frankly, I was a little surprised when I saw the full contract. Before I got caught up in the gravy industry I was so innocent I thought culinar lingus was when you had to wait ages for your dinner. I did think about signing for a while, but then decided the most prudent course of action was to leg it.


The version of the gravy recipe here is not entirely complete; I am remain bound by the NDA, and also some twine from the hardware shop.


Firstly grind up 2 inches of thick tail from the finest Venezuelan ox, together with 2 pounds of beef shank. Add a few carrots and shallots. Brown them all off .


Boil them all up in a pan for a fair few hours. For that 50 shades taste, heavily whip some cream and beat some eggs silly with a whisk. Leave standing until uncomfortable. Sieve and serve.


Rage Cuisine Tip:


Consume with a pinch of Columbian cocoa, gives it a decadent twist.


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50 shades of gravy - 5.0 out of 5 based on 1 review